Pamela Anderson has a new pixie cut.
She looks just like Jean Seberg.
When I first moved to New York City,
You could get PopSmear* magazine on the street for free.
One revelrous night
(I love the word revelrous),
Some friends made a board game.
It was in the style of Candyland,
And decorated with pictures from old issues of PopSmear.
One of the game squares said, “You Bamela'ed Pamela. Go ahead three spaces,”
And had a picture of Anderson, her legs spread wide.
It was a still from her sex tape.
PopSmear had been giving it away for free with a subscription to the magazine.*
I desperately wanted to see the tape,For reasons I can’t explain,
Outside of the revelation of it all.
But I couldn't get it together to send out the $20 to subscribe.*
I didn't have a checkbook,
And a trip to the Post Office for a money order was a daunting task.
Later that year,I was hanging out with an acquaintance.
We were looking to get drugs,
And went to the apartment he was watching for a friend in the Village to kill time.
One wall of the apartment was lined with videotapes.Browsing their labels,
I read one that said Pamela Anderson/ Tommy Lee.
It could be mean only one thing.
Can we put it on, pretty please? I asked.
I’d like to see it too, he said,
Sitting down next to me on the couch.
Soon, Tommy’s big cock was thrusting,And Pamela’s big breasts were bouncing.
I can still hear their sex- talk as I type this:
I love you so fucking much baby, so fucking much, oh baby oh.
We sat watching, in silence.
It would have taken one joke to diffuse it.
One joke like salt-peter.
But we left it there,
Hanging in the air,
We egged it on.
Finally, he put his hand up my shirt,
I pulled him closer by his hair,
Tommy Lee moaned in the background,
I love you so fucking much, so fucking much, oh baby oh.
*a predecessor to Vice.
*This was before Pamela and Tommy Lee made an arrangement with a porn company to release the tape themselves.